RED ROAD TO HEALING JOURNEY: Day 4

Day 4 (August 4, 2016):

What can I say about this day. As I was laying in my sleeping bag last night I was reflecting on the day. Had to take this day a little slower... I didn’t participate in horse riding or yoga but I did go for a long walk today…actually a few times.

The first time I walked, in the afternoon, I went with my sister-cousin Sheri and it’s amazing how a walk can also be a great therapy of sharing and processing the day. We discussed our morning session of sharing in the Grief and Loss session with Shirley. Today had some hard tears for some and it was draining but after some of us took time to relax and even take an afternoon nap. I usually don’t like to nap but today I had to even though I wasn’t planning on it. I had decided after lunch to start on my reading and planned to be immersed into that but my body had other plans lol…not even into four or five pages I was soon asleep…it was awesome…in a canvas tent with the flaps and window open with a nice breeze flowing through…it was a perfect setting…I could smell the spruce and hear the birds and the sun coming through the trees was just enough to make it cozy…so cozy my mind, body, soul, and heart surrendered to it and I was fast asleep…dreaming, replenishing, rejuvenating, and gaining my strength…

Today I was really thinking about my dad and mom today…so I called my mom and she was so happy to hear from me…she was looking for an AA meeting when I called and that was so nice to hear she was doing some of her own healing again too. Glad she is back this way and she is more closer for us to help her as she is challenged physically. My mom is 70 years old and she has lived many years on this earth, a diabetic, and cancer survivor. My dad is 68 years old, a cancer survivor too and yes, younger than my mom…my mom was a cradle robber hahahaha jokes

"I Love You" is not only words...

Ya, as I was talking to my mom she was so happy for me and I was telling her I have to call dad and let him know how I’m doing, he usually calls too, now a days, to know how I’m doing…it’s great because we used to sometimes go months, even a year without talking but not these days…we try to keep in touch, I love it because we all even tell each other we love each other…something many who have heard the stories or were part of the story of Indian Residential Schools know, that saying “I love you” wasn’t an option…so saying it today is a blessing in it’s self too. I remember when I came home from the United States in 1999, my one goal was to tell my dad that I loved him every time I talked to him and one day he will say it too. Now don’t get me wrong, my dad loves me, this has never been an issue, after all, I was his girl when I was small when he would hold me tight on the couch and we would lay there while he watched TV and he was holding his baby girl…this is and was any girl’s dream of daddy…I had that and grateful for it. But like any family engulfed with traumas, grief, losses etc..families start hurting and memories like that start to become rare and far between so you can understand that saying “I love you” wasn’t common at all especially for a family that has come from two generations of Indian Residential Schools (IRS) and now trying to raise the next generation (me) with parenting skills learned from IRS, it can get pretty dysfunctional. So ya, when my dad says “I love you” it means a lot to me and today he says it and it is amazing to me because a father and daughter relationship is important…dad’s are key to the life of a child too…

ᑭᑲᓴᑭᑎᐣ  ᑲᑭᑫ
"I will love you always" ~ kikasâkitin kâkike (nêhiyawewin - Cree)

Yes, this was a very inspirational learning day to the core of my heart and soul and I am so very very grateful for it and I am also grateful l had the opportunity to hold my sister today too as she is on her journey too here…

Our walk was great, and later I went for another walk but alone this time and much farther…I was gone for a few hours and just taking in the land, the trees, the air and a deer also graced me with it’s presence…I thanked it…there was a young buck that made an appearance and it made me think of my son and reminded me that he is in Creator’s hands…my heart prayed for him…he has his own journey too but I hope he remembers we are never alone and never walk alone, Creator is always there, we just need to reach for him and ask…I love you Germain Ian Houle…each breath I take and each heart beat I send to you too for strength!

Our Children Are Our Reminders to Be the Best We Can Be… and our children are our rewards too…reminding us that love is unconditional!

We did have many healing laughs today too but it was mainly a reflection day and taking a step back to ground myself…get back to the heart of what really matters…the heart and soul…and our connections to family, friends, and even all that surrounds us…

Morgan did teach us how to make an amazing healthy dessert and she shared with us that real cocoa releases the same endorphins that are released when we fall in love and why so many people make the connection between cocoa and love...

I can't remember the name of the dessert but I made one up to call it Cocoa Sasquatch Droppings, it reminded me of that but it is delicious...we had a good laugh because again it was made with love and laughter and we did laugh over the joy of learning and enjoying Soul Food!

I was so grateful today too for Sheri being my muse too and helping me complete Day 3 of my journey, she really helped inspire the really craziness of that entry hahaha…she really brings out that side of me hahahaha..my sister, I love her so much and so blessed to have her back in my life again…Creator answered my prayers and did watch over her and made sure I was available for her again when she needed me…we are blood!

Grief is a process…shouldn't be ignored...but embraced...love will guide…

I really miss my family, they are in my prayers and heart…Creator is watching over them!

ᐊᐧᐱᒪᐦᐊᐦᑲᐧᐣ  ᓂᔭ  ᐅᒪ

wâpimahahkwan niya oma

(I am White Wolf)