I never really thought of posting my thoughts today but I guess I will.
Today is significant for me for two reasons:
1. Today has been 3 months since mom passed and;
2. Today has been 31 years since I decided to live a clean lifestyle.
2. Today has been 31 years since I decided to live a clean lifestyle.
In a way, today, I kept myself busy because I didn't want to think of what today meant for me. However, as I am sitting still now, it's hitting me.
On this day, I would have called mom and said proudly, "mom, today is another year I'm clean". She would have been all happy and we would have talked, reminisced, and reflected on the years gone by.
You see, my mom sobered up, 5 years before me in 1984 and she always used to gently nudge me to seek some sort of counselling or healing because she never came out and said I was an alcoholic or drug addict, she just used to tell me that I was affected by her and my dad's drinking and drugging and all the violence and abuses. She never said it in a way to place blame or anything, my mom understood her and my dad had their hurts and Indian Residential School really affected them too & as a result, they used their addictions to forget the pain. She used to try get me to understand this, even though I really resented her and dad at the time.
However, 31 years ago, I waited for a call from Poundmaker's Lodge to see if I was admitted into treatment.
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| Mom in Creston, BC in the early 1990s |
So that day, I didn't drink and a few days before that, Andrew (my hubby), carried me out of that club in Edmonton because I was too drunk to walk & that was also the first time my toddler son acted strange towards me, when I got back to my sisters. I woke up on the living room floor with my baby curled up, in fetal position, in only a diaper and freezing against me. It was the worst degrading shameful moment for me. I thought I could "control" it, the drinking, but the truth was in my face.
To make a long story short, on my mom's 43rd birthday (March 23, 1989) we had a birthday dinner for her and my gift to her was to make a wish of her's come true, I would go into treatment & choose a different path for me and my son. It was the best decision I ever made in my life.
My mom was my greatest supporter & she allowed me to volunteer with her as she worked as an addictions counsellor for years in various communities, treatment centres. She worked for so many amazing people that when she had to do training, many times I was allowed to attend, for free, as they understood addictions is a "family disease".
Oh my god, I can't even tell you all the things we did & how we healed, fought, healed, challenged each other, faced our fears, and enjoyed our rewards. I miss her so much at this moment. This day was our moment together. I have never ever been able to thank her enough for how her Sobriety opened up a whole new world for me.
My mom was amazing and one hell of a Warrior.
I miss you so much mom...but also grateful you're with our ancestors now & free from pain. I will try to keep making you proud while you keep watching over our family & like you said, "you will even kick them in the ass too if they don't smarten up" lol
Sorry so long...just needed to share my heart! One thing my mom told me to never be ashamed of doing, was sharing my heart...we spent to many years surviving & keeping our feeling hidden & for us to live healthy, we need to heal and share our hearts 🥰 - feel life!
My mom was the Bomb! lol
